A friend recently confessed that she didn’t think she could ever write nonfiction, which is highly personal, because it would make her feel naked. I responded that we are each born naked, and that slowly we become socialized and we put clothes on, not just to cover up our bodies which are sexualized by society, but to protect ourselves, to don a persona that will take us through life with a minimum amount of vulnerability and the maximum amount of armor between ourselves and others. We want to feel safe. We crave security.
The conundrum is that in order to be an artist of any kind, one must be vulnerable and strip away one’s “inner clothes” if not exactly our physical cloth vestments, in order to get to the core of what it is we want to make art about, whether it’s with words, paints, clay or any other medium. We need to consciously place ourselves in circumstances that put us in direct touch with our vulnerability, with our senses rather than with our intellects and our rational minds, both of which will usually lead us right back to what we already know, to what is safe, to what we have already figured out, to what we are comfortable with.
Life itself can make one feel naked. Writing is simply choosing what and how many clothes to wear, and when. This day a hat and gloves, the next a sari and sandals. This day lipstick, perfume and jewelry, the next one’s own salty sweet scent.
This lovely B &W photo from 1934, in which a young woman is posing for an art class, has nothing to do, really, with being a nude model for artists. The picture is from Gesture Writing, an opinion piece in the Times by Rachel Howard about becoming an artist’s model to supplement her income while writing a novel.
“I soon grew to love the freedom and strange relinquishment of status that comes from offering your nude presence to artists. What surprised me the most, though, was how profoundly it changed my writing life.”
This article resonated completely with me. Howard makes comparisons between an artist having to capture quickly in bold strokes the energy of a pose before rendering it (filling it in with details), so that one can get a sense of the whole story, the essence of what the pose (a piece of writing) is about, before it vanishes back into the recesses of one’s consciousness.
She writes about writing being like drawing, like painting, something I have always felt, as writing is an entirely visual affair for me. Beyond that it resonated on a deeper level, because life itself is like making a painting. We create our lives as we go day-by-day. We are the architects of our lives. We must by turns step up close to fill in the detail, but then we must also constantly step backward to take in the whole, to see where we are going, to assess whether what we are actually in the process of painting is what we intend.
It is so easy to get caught up in detail and to forget the bigger picture, so easy to get caught up in rational thought, to over analyze, to over think, to stop ourselves from feeling. The inner critic is mischievous and will silent an errant instinct, a rogue notion, an unexplainable creative urge. But it is up to us to pay close attention to those sudden bursts of instinct – to write them down quickly, to sketch them immediately as they come to us, else they will take the back door out and leave us forever.
Like tasting a sauce and knowing it needs a little cumin. Like knowing it’s alright not to trim the knockout rose bushes so neatly that nature would scream in protest about forcing one of its children into a confined shape.
“To see in the way that Collett is describing, to see deeply enough to capture the vibrancy of life on the page, a writer must move her consciousness out of information organizing mode into an intuitive way of seeing subtle organic connections and capturing them in bold strokes.”
Here on Google+, where our individual profiles are very much like a blank page on which we paint every day, where the public stream is a kind of feast to which we each bring a covered dish, it is easy to get caught up in the details and hard to step back and remind ourselves of where we are going.
While we don’t exactly take our clothes off here, we are vulnerable in a sense, we do reveal ourselves in a sense, we do give others glimpses…and they sketch us quickly, getting a feel for the essence of what we are sending out.
“The age-old artists’ practice of gesture drawing suggests a new practice, might we call it “gesture writing,” that can train us to “see” the whole before we write.”
Perhaps what we are all doing here is “Gesture Reading.”
No nudity required.
The link for Howard’s article on Gesture Writing:
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/05/25/gesture-writing?
#writing #nonfiction
June 2, 2013 at 9:35 pm
I don’t know how many times I’ve argued that conversations here hold more meaning rather than less than IRL. Face to face people feel too exposed already to make themselves vulnerable even more by actually telling you what they are thinking…truly thinking. Face to face, we are more concerned with feelings, theirs and ours when we speak and interact. Online, we may miss a few nuances due to lack of inflection and expression, but even that over time dims when we become more accustomed to “speaking” with people in this forum.
June 2, 2013 at 9:45 pm
Dee Solberg there is much truth in what you write. Part of the reason that I don’t use FB is that I already know my family and close friends IRL. It is, in its way, quite safe. This promenade with strangers feels very much as risky as being onstage in front of an audience filled with people one doesn’t know, yet there is an “agreement” to be together, to take this risk, to see what can happen. It’s quite courageous I think…to take one’s clothes off in this forum in front of strangers. It’s strikes me as being quite the opposite of voyeurism or exhibitionism, where there isn’t any “sharing” or communicating as such, merely an experience of the self. Here, it’s very much a dialogue. And you are right…we are all becoming accustomed to “speaking” in this way. Gesture Speaking!
Hello Akhil Katre!
June 2, 2013 at 9:48 pm
Dee Solberg Yes. Though I love the communication one can achieve and read in silences, pacing, tone, accent, touch and movement IRL.
June 2, 2013 at 9:50 pm
Circled you after reading Susanne Ramharter post on who she has circled. Glad I did.
June 2, 2013 at 9:54 pm
nicely written piece – and nudity or not :), i agree with your sentiments about “gesture writing” (or “gesture creating” in my case since my creative output takes shape and form in both writing and visuals) – seeing and feeling the whole and the details of what we create and shape and the direction upon we are going.
Anyway, i enjoyed reading your post, and i agree with the sentiments you put forth here :).
June 2, 2013 at 9:54 pm
I’ve actually have taken off my clothes. I modeled for a wonderful man (my daughter’s godfather) who is an amazing sculptor and artist of much more (an artist now of 25 years standing). When I was 20, I modeled nude as well for another respected arts and successful commercial (as in ads) photographer. All these times took a lot from me of getting over shyness. All my poses–in the nude–were nonsexual and danced (mostly ballet based).
But writing my naked soul, so to speak? That is so much harder. Much, much harder to bare one’s self in words (and especially one’s travails) than it is to take off clothing in unthreatening situations as I did (art for arts’ sake!). It becomes harder still to bare words when one has a child because, to quote Depeche Mode (slightly out of context) “every word counts in large amounts.”
Lovely Piece Giselle Minoli (and hope you saw that was just for my circles a few posts ago about one special person! in my life).
P.S. Godfather hasn’t seen my daughter nude nor will ever. Plus he’s gay.
June 2, 2013 at 10:10 pm
Catherine Wells I enjoy the dialogue between fiction and nonfiction writers, the dialogue about what’s true and what’s not true. I used to read fiction almost solely…now I read nonfiction. I know exactly when, and why, the switch occurred…but I’m not telling! 😉 “…writing…can’t be mirrored…” Thinking on that one.
Me, too, Bill Abrams. I need both. Certainly since my life has been so pulled between different states with so much travel, the very meaning of IRL has changed a great deal for me. They contribute different things to my life. But when the “relationship” feels authentic, where online or IRL…there is always the sense, as Howard describes, of it being organic in some way. Perhaps any given individual is either that way naturally…or they are not.
June 2, 2013 at 10:11 pm
I agree with your post, Giselle Minoli.
Thank you.
June 2, 2013 at 10:12 pm
Gesture reading. Interesting term, I think, if you emphasize on “What is the essence of that pose?” – Try to be quick at finding the underlying gesture of an opinion instead of dissecting some details first. Would that be the idea, Giselle Minoli ?
June 2, 2013 at 10:12 pm
Wow, re-read what I wrote above and went darn, everything I said above could look creepy in terms of my daughter (Edited the comment and added a most emphatic point my daughter’s godfather is definitely gay, and oh then I should have added his same-sex partner for years is in his 50s.) So, see, this where it is so hard to write our selves (and family )as we are even here.
June 2, 2013 at 10:14 pm
Me, too Sharon Jackson. Thank you. And welcome…
Michael A Koontz I catch myself doing this constantly, all day long, no matter the activity – stepping in, stepping back, leaning in, leaning out – whether it’s trimming the roses, tasting what I’m fixing for dinner…or writing. It is a constant negotiation between closeness and distance, perspective and lack of perspective, getting wet and drying off, oh I could use so many more metaphors…
June 2, 2013 at 10:16 pm
Bill Abrams Yes, there is something to be said for reading body language and inflection IRL, but you have to be sure you are past the typical automatic barriers people erect to protect themselves. I don’t believe one replaces the other. But it does allow for some who are less socially adept a chance at getting to know people and letting others know them.
Here, behind your screen, you can say what you are thinking without worrying that everyone will think you’re a goob. They might think you are, but emotionally you aren’t invested the same ways as those you see in person. You become invested over time. You learn to have trust of sorts, and even can be hurt, miss, care for some people on their side of the screen. It’s just different. There are pros and cons to each and balance is key just like everything else.
June 2, 2013 at 10:20 pm
Kena Herod Hello! Why am I not at all surprised that you were once a nude model. You know, you have raised such an intelligent daughter, she is full of your wisdom and kindness and understanding, that I think you need not worry. She also, as we all have come to learn, has an artist’s spirit. She is busy discovering herself in every way possible. What a lucky girl to have you as a mother.
Hmmm…and I’m not so sure about exposing oneself with words being more difficult so to speak, although my friend would agree with you. Perhaps it is what we are compelled to do. You were compelled to dance. Writing personally for me is no different than flying. It’s scary and can be dangerous and there are inherent risks, but it is also quite beautiful once you’re “up there,” and freeing in ways difficult to describe.
June 2, 2013 at 10:20 pm
all perfectly chosen metaphors Giselle Minoli .. and thinking =)
June 2, 2013 at 10:27 pm
Martin Lüdicke Yes…that is exactly the idea. There can be an easy tendency on line to grab onto a word, a phrase, a sentence and come back with an attack on the poster. I see it happen over and over again. And in that moment of attack the overall message can be lost or overlooked or forgotten or dismissed. It’s difficult with all these words, which take time to write. IRL a group of people sitting around a table in animated conversation might in fact be interrupting one another, filling in the ends of one another’s sentences, correcting one another, disagreeing, nodding of heads up and down and sideways…there are so many other ways to communicate, as Dee Solberg suggests, to make a correction when one is misunderstood.
But here, to get over that insecurity and the “unsureness” of venturing forth when one might be so easily misunderstood…well, that takes courage IMHO, like taking off one’s clothes in an artist’s studio.
June 2, 2013 at 10:36 pm
The problem about words in a public format (and I’ve no worries about what I’ve said here or anywhere on G+) is that if folks are in legal battles in cases of divorce or custody or whatever, those words can be twisted by lawyers–who make a living partly doing such. As far as I’m concerned with myself, I’ve no worries here on this thread, but if I were to write frankly and completely about the flaws about all…. Goodness knows. But, someday Giselle, there will be writing not just about myself but about many others who, well, go “thru a lot.” Still, I’ve got real reservations about what seems to be at least a load of folks who post stuff about their children and their travails (“nonfiction” unmediated by an editor) every single day. And then there are some publishers who do publish crap by writers about their nonfiction lives with their kids in smarmy and irresponsible ways. What to do, eh? Where do we tell truth as truth should be told but at the same time do not harm our loved ones as we do so in words on the internet?
June 2, 2013 at 10:38 pm
very, very well written, thank you! You raise some very valid points about things we all feel, but don’t always share, or even know how to share.
The Internet has raised our awareness of the jungian collective conscience, almost gifted us with a new sense (and sensibility). Let’s see where it will lead us.
June 2, 2013 at 10:45 pm
Very clever and funny Ivano Forgione, your share of this post. You got the message in Howard’s article exactly! Smiling…
June 2, 2013 at 10:50 pm
and I haven’t even read Howard’s article yet 😀
June 2, 2013 at 10:50 pm
P.S. Rachel Howard, if I’m not mistaken is a dance critic of many years. I read her blog regularly over a decade ago. She had some real trauma to go thru if memory serves me correctly. She’s always been an amazing writer.
June 2, 2013 at 10:58 pm
I actually had a writer-model once (in a figure-painting group). For her (as she told me), it was rather a way to switch the modes, to get away from writing. Her pose felt (from a painter’s perspective) very much like sleeping.
June 2, 2013 at 11:24 pm
Yes, she is Kena Herod. It doesn’t surprise me that she was, and it doesn’t surprise me that I like her work. It is dancerlike. Dancing, flying, writing. Dancing, flying, writing. Dancing, flying… writing…
June 2, 2013 at 11:27 pm
’cause you’re busy feeling and Gesturing Visually Quickly Ivano Forgione.
Lena Levin “very much like sleeping” in a restful way, or in lack of energy way? She modeled to renew herself? Maybe one’s nude body is like a blank canvas.
Denis Wallez thinking of you again today and I ought to have pinged you but know you are engaged with your own engaging posts!
June 2, 2013 at 11:27 pm
Giselle Minoli she’s from the San Fran area if I remember correctly And one of her past editors possibly at Dance Magazine (as was mine) and an important (still) dance critic was Allan Ulrich, who is from my former hometown Montreal. Great guy! He’s been in the Bay Area for years.
June 2, 2013 at 11:40 pm
P.S. Even though us “young” arts critics knew it at the times years ago, in the mid-2000s (like post 2006 or so), when folks like Allan (who got let go from Dance Magazine from his position of Senior Editor) or the down turn at the Village Voice (first the editor and then writers there for years), sad, sad days. Edit: Of course all are “freelancers” now. Yikes.
June 3, 2013 at 12:26 am
Everything written is fiction. Non-fiction most of all. I determined at some point that naked writing is the only good writing.
June 3, 2013 at 12:44 am
T. Pascal Nonfiction = naked writing for me.
June 3, 2013 at 12:53 am
I write both nonfiction and fiction. For me, they both are about equally naked.
June 3, 2013 at 1:28 am
This is sort of an aside, but I’ve never liked the word “critic” Kena Herod, even though I know why it is used. The best “critique” and there is a difference, is(to me) to have the ability to feel deeply, like a dancer, like a musician, like a performer, which does not mean loving everything one sees and raving about it, but by trying to understand what the artist was going for. I read too much “criticism” by writers who feel there job it is to determine whether something is good or bad, worth seeing or not worth seeing, like they are giving a benediction. This, to me, is not true criticism, but rather a weird kind of creative jealousy. I can image that Howard, given her writing would have been what I consider the best kind of critic.
June 3, 2013 at 1:30 am
Quite thought provoking. I found myself wondering where we are going here? And in other places. Vulnerability is also a strength sometimes.
June 3, 2013 at 1:36 am
Giselle Minoli “critic” was given to us folks. Me? I was as a “critic” mostly championing a lot of work onstage (though I had my neg. critiques as some crap was such and still is) so to is the case with my dear friend Paula Citron from The Globe and Mail and all other publications (and a person very close to my daughter). We all go to dance and theatre and opera performances hoping for the best–or good enough–and love to write–most importantly feel–the positive! 🙂
June 3, 2013 at 1:39 am
Luis Roca I had absolutely no idea that you are thought of as a curmudgeon here on Google+. Who says? I don’t think of you that way. Who’s right? They? Or me? Hmmm…. I would not say that online = not a true persona. Nor would I say that IRL = a true self. People can wear masks and not be themselves IRL and people can be absolutely who they are IRL online. It depends on the person and, perhaps, whether they are practiced at removing their “inner clothes.” And I think the “business suit” is one of the key culprits in the pretense that goes on underneath clothing, and is, perhaps, one of the things that have held women back…the reality that when so many of them entered the business world they tried to do it with the female version of a “business suit,” rather than finding their own way. Isn’t it all a mask?
June 3, 2013 at 1:40 am
Giselle Minoli the problem I have noticed is the author wearing the “clothing” of fiction is often like the emperor who thought he was clothed.
June 3, 2013 at 1:43 am
P.S. Sad the word “critic”–those who are deemed such work hard and are paid very little. In my friend’s situation, she does a lot of leg work (so to speak) to cover coast to coast Canada to just get a few companies outside the big cities some coverage nationally.
June 3, 2013 at 1:43 am
(Uggh it is so frustrating to have service problems and lose what you are writing three times! It is not the way I like to write!)
Giselle Minoli Your post is filled with delightful sentences, metaphors and, most of all, insights. Seeing the whole before adding in the details is a practice that has corollaries in several other creative efforts. For me, sketching out what the core justice of a matter is before working on it is one. And agreeing in advance as a crew on what the game’s story is that will form the arc of the telecast is essential to illustrating it (or it’s RL alternative).
The gesture, the essential story line that is then rendered, also works itself out in my life as the intuitive insight that my logical side then articulates a map and backfills in the path to. Although the end result is not usually a piece of creative writing or any other form of “Art,” there is usually some pretty creative thinking needed to fill in the details of the map.
Dee Solberg I find the asynchronous nature of G+ conversation creates the opportunity to compose one’s thoughts, to consider, edit, and respond in complete sentences. My RL speech is not so much any of those things and it frequently, if not almost always, modulates based on the cues I get from my conversational partner. Both you and GM observe that great intimacy and depth can be had here and I agree. Perhaps, as you also both point out, the lack of cues makes expression more naked, at least here in Salon Minoli.
I wonder if the tools of G+ can be tweaked to approximate the dancers’ frame. The pull and push, and opening and closing. I know that I’m suggesting adding in the cues of RL, but that is only because I am frustrated by having to communicate without a visceral component to the abstract symbols and code that we use here. It is so much harder and requires so much more investment to express just one thought. :)
(I hope this one posts)
June 3, 2013 at 1:49 am
And here is my dear friend being so not snobby: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/theatre-and-performance/rodin-a-visual-feast-and-a-challenge-for-purists/article12140358/
June 3, 2013 at 1:54 am
Catherine Wells what great words of support for Kena Herod. Her daughter is quite special. We have shared words in other posts about female body image and it being healthy and respected, particularly when in the world of dance there are so many mixed messages sent to young female dancers regarding body weight. But your message is greater and is a reminder that in some of the greatest art by the greatest artists the nude form is celebrated, not just the nude form of women but of men. I think in this country we are removed from that understanding, which is the reason that we are at the same time called prudes as well as pornography-addicted. It is as though we can’t just let ourselves…be…naked…as part of our experience without laying onto it any kind of emotion or meaning or description or label.
When I was a very young dancer our (female) bodies were always in (very) close proximity to male dancer bodies. It wasn’t sexualized, which seemed such a narrow and restrictive way to relate to the human physical form. Sexualizing everything somehow almost takes away an ability to see the power in a muscle, the grace in an arched foot, the expression in an arched back.
When Howard talks about posing nude, it is not that it is non sexual, it is that it is human. It is what we all are underneath our clothes, the things that protect us, but also, if we are not careful protect us from ourselves as well.
June 3, 2013 at 1:57 am
Brilliant reflections here Giselle Minoli. And thanks to Catherine Wells and Kena Herod for deepening this with the mothers’ perspective.
For all that I’m one who dives deep and thinks “too much” I don’t think I allow myself to recognize the true transformative, naked potential of writing. I call myself a writer, but I think it is my very mastery of words that allow me to hide behind a tapestry of language, substituting form for soul baring truth. At times, I know I share things online that stun people with their honesty and intimacy (not in terms of details, but in terms of how I’m affected and processing my experiences). That comes easily to me… in many ways, I’m an open book.
And yet, even when I’m scribbling in my journal, I find myself censoring myself a bit. It’s very possible it’s because, as I got through my late mother’s things, I realize my own daughter may someday read through every word. In a way, I am more guarded in my private writing than I am online since I tend to doubt my children will follow their mama down the digital rabbit hole all the way back to 2013. Then again, that may be the most foolish ideas a digital citizen could have… Whoever said that any of these webs will be broken and these words will vanish? Not if a seeker is motivated enough.
June 3, 2013 at 1:57 am
Ah, Yes, I always felt that way about Brett Easton Ellis T. Pascal, whose “fiction” feels nonfictional to me. BTW…I happen to think he’s a talented writer, with an absolutely unique voice writing about things that are quite difficult. A fiction writer about whom I don’t feel that way? Tom Wolfe.
June 3, 2013 at 2:10 am
Marisa Goudy you write in one comment about two functions G+ performs for me. I am a bit of an accidental user of Google +. I had never used social media before G+ and coming here was really just a trial of something that came up when I opened Gmail one day. Part of what I get out of G+ though is a substitute for the journaling that you do and that has never caught on with me. It also is in part a record that my kids can sift through as I do every now and then with the collected letters and papers of previous generations.
June 3, 2013 at 2:13 am
I love the echoes and contrasts in our experiences, Bill Abrams. And yes, I did check out that link you sent along… a beautiful collection and a site I will keep in mind. Thank you!
June 3, 2013 at 2:19 am
Bill Abrams Of course! In your line(s) of work you would indeed have to be able to step back and see the whole, otherwise the viewer would get all muddled up in minutia, n’est ce pas? And no wonder I think of you as being so well-balanced in your comments…always looking at both sides (seems to me).
Re: the abstract symbols and code that we use here, I join you in your frustration. I am hopeless at it and find, a propos of Howard’s article, that the deeper I go into my own creativity (or maybe the older I get and the more I weary of traveling) the less room there is in my brain and heart for “code.” It just doesn’t speak to me. One has to be rational enough to get through life. I want to spend as much time as possible venturing into the territory beyond rational thought and organization…the discomfort zone I would call it.
As for Salon Minoli, you know that one of my favorite things to do is cook for friends. I wish the grub and spirits were real. As it is I am afraid the food is virtual. But everyone feels real to me!
June 3, 2013 at 2:29 am
That’s pretty delicious and nakedly truthful Marisa Goudy. I’m curious though…you are not the only one (Kena Herod is another), not just as a mother, who has expressed concern about what is revealed here, yet, in the world before digital there were letters between correspondents written in hand and they are read and even published, because they form a history of the writer. There are JD Salinger’s letters, which have been written about a lot in the press recently. Originally, my own interest in writing of any sort, came from a love of reading and writing letters. I think it is among the most intimate kind of writing (song writing is another) and yet somehow writing letters is not thought of in the same way. My own experience is that children want very much to know who their parents are/were as people. I think it’s very powerful.
There is a fantastic documentary you all should see called The Stories We Tell, shot in a most inventive way (Bill Abrams I think you would be particularly interested, you, too Kena Herod) and I’m not going to tell you how, but suffice it to say it is written (partly) and directed by a young woman about her mother and her family’s relationship to her mother, in which all sorts of things about each of them are revealed. She deals with the subject of telling secrets and how individuals made peace or not with that right in the film itself, so nothing is hidden. It’s not only quite well done, but it’s insightful. My point being, Marisa Goudy that we only think we can run, but we most certainly cannot ever hide…
June 3, 2013 at 2:37 am
Real here too. Perhaps without food, the conversational dance here in Salon M could be called G-room dancing.
One thing having so much technical trouble today with the internet is that it reminded me that my best usually comes from a pencil and a yellow legal pad.
“Well balanced” A particular thank you for that. I aspire to getting the other side’s point of view. Whether that is strategically helpful for resolving disagreements or whether it helps me frame the next shot.
June 3, 2013 at 2:41 am
Bill Abrams you might find it amusing that at our wedding I passed out sheet music to everyone of That’s Amore. It was hilarious. At Salon M…there is definitely dancing – the Tango, the Bolero – anything goes! For what is a salon without a good dance floor under the rug?
June 3, 2013 at 2:46 am
I hope the Altmans had enough sense to sing along with gusto.
June 3, 2013 at 2:47 am
I totally agree with you Matthew Graybosch about your own work and I haven’t read all that much of it. I don’t think I could ever have come to that conclusion, however, had I not gotten to know you through your posts and through your comments on other people’s posts. When I put that particular spirit together with the colorful and complex characters you have created in Without Bloodshed (Part One of Starbreaker), I can see you, Matthew, filtering through each of them in so many different ways. I’m not sure there are that many opportunities to get to know a writer however. I happen to quite like that opportunity. Perhaps your posts and comments are in their own way the nonfiction side of Matthew Graybosch?
June 3, 2013 at 2:48 am
I think Brian Titus was in the back munching on scampi Bill Abrams!
June 3, 2013 at 2:58 am
Thanks for the tip on Stories. it looks very interesting. The director explains using some fictionalized sequences in the midst of interviews about her family history and family films: “I was talking to people and asking their opinions, and I never really knew if what I was hearing was real. I never knew if it was factual or if it was fictionalized, if it was actually the past or it was memory imbued with nostalgia. I could never really be sure or touch bottom or have solid ground underneath my feet, and I think in the filmmaking itself I wanted the audience to have a similar experience of not ever be completely certain about what they were seeing.”
yes, very interesting.
After Chinua Achebe died, I reread Things Fall Apart. One of my favorite quotes from that book about, among other things, storytelling is “There is no story that is not true.” Documentaries, autobiographies, and family histories are filled with stories that are true, but sometimes those stories are in direct conflict with each other.
June 3, 2013 at 3:12 am
Yes, they are because each person in a family brings their own particular awareness to witnessing, to watching, to being in, to participating in that family. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone to see a movie with someone I thought I knew very well and in comparing notes after the film we thought it was about completely different things. Oh indeed we saw the same movie, but we might as well have been in different theaters.
This is where I think criticism of nonfiction go awry. Nonfiction is not an historical account of something that happened and everyone agrees on that account. It is a personal account, an individual assessment of one’s experience in certain circumstances. Doing that authentically and truthfully is not easy because you have to make decisions about what you are going to reveal. Either someone served in Viet Nam or they didn’t, but if they did how they experienced it goes way beyond the facts of it.
Go see Stores Bill Abrams. I’d love to know what you think.
June 3, 2013 at 3:20 am
Nicely put. I will.
June 3, 2013 at 10:16 am
Giselle Minoli I think you mean Brian Altman, but you never know… I certainly wouldn’t turn down good scampi!
June 3, 2013 at 10:41 am
Brian Titus Thanks for clearing that up!
June 3, 2013 at 12:53 pm
Oops Brian Titus. In the automatic pulldown you and Brian Altman are right next to one another and if I’m not careful and hit enter the wrong name pops in. However….maybe it isn’t such a horrid mistake because, after all, you are a foodie and our guests said that the food at our wedding was the best they had ever had. Italian, of course! 😉
June 3, 2013 at 3:34 pm
Oh, I would Matthew Graybosch. It is our nature, I think…and then we must step back…again…and ask ourselves if our assumptions are accurate..
June 3, 2013 at 8:25 pm
What a thought-provoking post by Giselle and comments from everyone–so much to digest in a good way!
June 3, 2013 at 8:27 pm
Kena Herod plus, I got invited to Giselle’s wedding, retroactively!
(edit: uh oh, does that mean I owe someone a toaster now?)
June 3, 2013 at 8:58 pm
Interesting Giselle Minoli – I wonder what causes us to censor ourselves then, the medium or the internal voices of fear and doubt. You mention letters as the windows into the pre-Internet soul, but how do we know that those writers were not choosing carefully their thoughts, editing the bits that were too honest, too frightening, too real? I think our willingness to truly be naked in our truths in the hands of the creator even more than it’s related to the vehicle we use to express our thoughts.
As for writing as a mother, I wonder if what I explore through writing will shift as my children grow. Am I subconsciously avoiding topics that seem to risky or dark right now because I see the world through the eyes of a three-year-old’s mother’s eyes, keeping things bright and rated G? Will I dive back into writing about sexuality, jealousy, rage when my daughter starts navigating all of those challenges herself?
I don’t think I’ll be writing for the preschool set forever, and I doubt I’ll wait for my daughter to catch up before I take on the more hidden, challenging terrain in my writing life… At the same time, one does fall out of practice being honest even in the pages of a journal. If you haven’t gone for naked truth – whether it be about sex or jealousy or rage – it takes time to cultivate that sort of courage.
June 3, 2013 at 9:32 pm
Marisa Goudy you have raised the Sally Mann issue. Mann was the extraordinary fine art photographer who took very intimate (in my view non-sexual) photographs of her own children in black and white and was then accused of exploiting her kids. Some thought the photos were pornographic. Others thought they were beautiful (I am one of those). Mann is an artist and she decided that photographs of her children were part of that art. It is of course up to her to know or decide when a line has been crossed, but it seems that no matter where an individual draws that line someone will be there too tell them it was too this or too that.
I cannot help but wonder if the dilemma you describe is what holds so many women back from expressing what they want to express. And I can’t help but ask the question what we always think we are protecting ourselves and our children from. Does this mean that a woman cannot be a fine art photographer or painter or sculptor of children if she herself has children? Does this mean a woman cannot write about sex for fear her children will read what she writes?
Although I understand the raising of the issue, is it art vs. psychology? Or is it self-expression vs. always protecting others? Does this hold women back? Should it? If the daughter of a woman who writes about sex were to read it would it impact her negatively? Or possibly positively? If a woman were to sculpt sensual forms of nude bodies and her child were to see them, would the child find beauty in the human body and acceptance, or would it be something else?
I suppose what I am asking is why does being a mother force her art into a certain box? Does it? Should it?
I don’t think D. H. Lawrence held himself back from writing anything. Nor has Brett Easton Ellis. Maybe this is the reason 50 Shades of Grey caused such a stir…not because it’s so unusual or good, but because the frequency of such writing from a woman’s hand is next to nil.
Oh, so many questions Marisa…
June 3, 2013 at 10:07 pm
Brilliant questions, all Giselle Minoli. I can only speak from my own experience and note that I am only beginning to ask these questions thanks to your thread. Yes, I am at the place of noticing… I’m seeing that when I do allow myself to journal, I am rusty and creaky and the words do not flow as they might, especially when it comes to topics that are something beyond my rather rated PG Internet persona (that’s a whole other issue than writing as a mother – writing as a marketer who business relies on who she is online).
I do not think that motherhood or a need to protect one’s young needs to hold women back from creating, though I think it often does. And it may rarely be out of a conscious desire to shield children from one’s inner virago that women’s creativity and expression is dampened. Often, it’s just practicalities – it takes time and space to dive deep, and many mothers’ lives do not offer those luxuries. I know that my waking hours are taking with mothering and working and that leaves little time to reach the level of art. I know art can come from the simple practice of survival, but it’s a different form altogether.
So, this begs the question — am I using motherhood as an excuse not to create more? Certainly, there are the logistics that are a challenge, but what about the way I can say “Oh, I’m not writing that because my daughter might see it too soon!” For that matter, I once wrote an essay about how I couldn’t “write sexy” out of fear my grandfather might read it (he’s a terribly savvy noctogenarian!). What if it’s not being a good mama, but instead it’s about being a lousy artist? It’s easy to blame mommy brain for so much – and though being a mother is an all-in, all-encompassing lifestyle, one can make room for other pursuits if she so chooses.
I’m intrigued by Sally Mann’s story… certainly children can be the greatest muse.
June 3, 2013 at 10:18 pm
It’s a tricky terrain I think for mothers to be artists and writers (still even in this day and age), especially if one’s work includes one’s own children. I’ve seen every extreme in writing from the oversharers, so to speak, to those who white-wash all. And, yes, as I read and look, I’m, like so many, sitting there on the internet judging.
Giselle Minoli some of us self-censure for fear of what the media these days does in terms of mothers (as we’ve discussed on other posts concerning work versus mothering, while the dads are hardly mentioned). My gosh, a mother writing about pros and cons of breast-feeding or working outside the home or not, garners so much judgment (and I’m guilty of this too if mostly privately and silently). I don’t think my mother in the 70s-80s faced such in her day. And, I’ve not even gotten to the question of art.
2 recent nonfiction memoirs come to mind on all this: 1) Drunk Mom, which stirred up quite something in Canada: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/when-is-telling-all-too-much-drunk-mom-memoir-pushes-the-boundaries/article11557650/ and 2) A memoir by a daughter of a gay father: http://www.npr.org/2013/06/03/187336741/a-child-among-san-franciscos-gay-men-in-fairyland.
June 3, 2013 at 11:07 pm
Just saw this–typical of the media turning motherhood into a fraught situation for all to judge. One day, Kate Middleton is praised for looking great pregnant, now the tables turn and she looks too good: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/06/03/kate-middleton-pregnant-duchess-of-cambridge_n_3378571.html#slide=2439609
June 3, 2013 at 11:16 pm
Marisa Goudy I’ve spent the last 23 years of my life in the art world and there isn’t a year that goes by when I do not ponder the small number of well known female artists who have reached the heights of regard that the men have reached. There are so few, such that when Berthe Marisol became the most expensive female artist at auction, it was written about everywhere. Everyone jumps up and down because it is as unusual as Marissa Mayer becoming head of Yahoo, or one woman becoming a Senator or Governor.
Being good at anything does not mean being selfish. It means being committed to an endeavor, to being passionate about it. The word “selfish,” when applied to women, is a negative and bad word. It means she thinks of herself first and any woman who does so is not a good mother, a good wife. I personally don’t think that what it means to be a mother is to give oneself up for one’s children. Little girls and little boys need to know that their mother has talent, that she aspires to things just like their father does, that the fulfillment of her life’s dreams matters…and that it’s okay if she disappears into her writing room, or her studio, or her private space every day to create. This belief that has been drummed into women that they come second to everything else does prevent them from becoming writers, and artists and filmmakers, and poets and a host of other things.
As for being written about in a negative way Kena Herod…to do everything such that no one will say anything bad or negative or hurtful about us is to live in a prison. Is it even possible to please that many people? Is it desirable?
June 3, 2013 at 11:37 pm
I agree with you Giselle Minoli but I think that when nonfiction and one’s own children are in the mix, a female writer will be judged more harshly than a male writer will be. Of the above pieces I linked, I’ve not read them but the coverage is so indicative of a negative bias towards women. There are so far fewer written by dads about their kids and when they are (based upon what I’ve read), the coverage is more positive. The last thing about nonfiction of children or parents of one’s own, I always think to myself, “Am I writing something that could hurt a loved one?” My test is most of the time: “If this could be hurtful or controversial and be published in a permanent enough way, is this the right thing to do at this time about people IRL?” Time may not heal all wounds or solve anything in a nice bow, but time can, hopefully, give some needed perspective to a writer. The interesting thing of the links I gave above is that one memoir was written soon enough after all took place while the other was written many years after. Will I keep to this myself as a writer? Maybe, maybe not but such consideration does never leave my mind. Thank you Giselle for giving me this to think on! 🙂
June 3, 2013 at 11:38 pm
Aside:
Giselle Minoli just wondering if you are familiar with artist “Sica”? It just struck me reading this thread that you might know her and her work. We have one of her mixed-media pieces and we got to meet her a few years ago.
June 3, 2013 at 11:52 pm
No Brian Titus I don’t know the artist Sica unfortunately. And Kena Herod there is no way you could hurt your daughter by anything you wrote because you are not that kind of woman. That is not your intent. You would find a way, in the process of writing, to elicit the message without destroying.
It is not our children who are holding us back, it is ourselves. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard grown girl and boy children describe their mothers as extremely talented people who gave up everything for others and that they wish this hadn’t been true. It’s a double-edged sword…a child wants Mom home, but they also want to be loved by two parents who are both fulfilled and whole and self-expressed and fulfilled. Guilt is huge and society has not done women any favors by making them feel “selfish” for wanting something for themselves.
Little girls and little boys need this lesson, particularly now, that the lives of women are as important as the lives of boys. And that culturally, socially, artistically, creatively, intelligently…what women have to offer is equally important. If it isn’t…then why bother educating them at all? Why not just raise them to be married? It’s 2013 and there is only one female Academy Award winner as Director. Really, what is that all about? It’s 2013 and Berthe Marisol is only now the most expensive female painter? And the price fetched for her work is so far less than a comparable male painter? What is that all about? And why are we jumping up and down about Marissa Mayer being head of Yahoo? It should be de rigeur by now.
Women hold themselves back and are held back very often by guilt and fear of recrimination for wanting something for themselves.
Has that strengthened or hurt our culture? And has that strengthened and educated our children…or is it hurting them and teaching them that women don’t matter. It is impossible not to ask these questions.
June 4, 2013 at 12:08 am
P.S. I do want to add that even though I use Sheryl Sandberg’s phrase we hold ourselves back, I share her feelings for why this is in the corporate world. In the creative and artistic world, which is what we are talking about here, I think the reasons are completely and wholly different than they are in the corporate world.
June 4, 2013 at 12:15 am
I agree with everything you said Giselle Minoli. Irony? While my ex-husband supported my writing in many ways during my marriage as I took the majority of care of our child (breast-feed her for a year and a half, set up all education for her as well as wrote for his publication and even managed his office), he left me right when I needed him (while I suffered thru “issues” subjects which are still too taboo, if common, to write about without fear), put me thru a difficult divorce which took about 4 years (while coming back to me too many times to count thru it all) thanks to him and his wealthy family taking advantage of everything they had and trying to “pay out cheaply” despite the fact I took a “hit” by being a mainly fulltime parent and doing work that had no future, all during which I was isolated in another country with no family to help…..Well, now he’s remarried to a celebrated female novelist in this country. So, my child has a female winner of an artist in her life now–except it isn’t me. Still, I know she loves me and I give her exposure to so much in the arts and all else. Wow, that’s about the biggest self-disclosure I’ve done on the internet. But that’s not all. My story is not isolated. It’s a story of others–and my daughter’s.
June 4, 2013 at 12:33 am
Kena Herod ’tis the season on upping the self-disclosure. See, for example, Bobbie Today’s post yesterday on domestic abuse. I don’t pretend to know the difficulties of being a woman, but it is apparent that being a Mrs. is not always a good thing.
June 4, 2013 at 12:36 am
OOOOOH what a great “blog”….seems too literary to even call a blog….just really good,as always;and thank you for gifting us with your talents my friend.
June 4, 2013 at 12:39 am
Catherine Wells You took some words out of my mouth! I know just what you are talking about!!!!
June 4, 2013 at 12:44 am
Catherine Wells just because you are a writer of nonfiction, doesn’t mean the outside world gets to tell you when to write and what to write. You are in control of that information, that timing, that sense of when it is right and when it isn’t. We forget that we are the architects of our lives, too. You don’t set down a foundation in soggy ground. I’m watching an interesting scene about planting the field across the street. The ground has been wet because of so much spring rain. It dries out a bit, they come out to mow and plant. It rains again. They back off and let it dry. And so it goes day by day until the timing is right. Trust and honor yourself. That goes hand in hand with your talent. 😉
June 4, 2013 at 1:10 am
Holding you in my heart Catherine Wells… There are the truths we hide out of embarrassment or out of manners, and the there are truths that must be held back because safety and the future is on the line. Be brave and trust that the words will bubble forth when their time is right..
June 4, 2013 at 1:22 am
Giselle Minoli I loved what you said above about timing and the metaphor for writing of planting and mowing and the right time. It reminds me of a quote I used to keep on my bathroom mirror from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night from the play’s heroine Viola: “What else may hap, to time I will commit.”
June 4, 2013 at 1:29 am
Marisa Goudy isn’t what you wrote to Catherine Wells, in it’s most female of female ways, exactly what it means to give birth? To mid-wife something into existence? It is a magical thing the birth of a child, which emerges when it is good and ready (driving everyone crazy in the process), but it is one of those many things that remind us that there is big difference between creating the space (literally) for something (a child) to develop and grow, or a creative project to take shape, and the insistance that the ultimate event come to pass on demand. Creativity doesn’t work that way.
It is one of the reasons I stay so closely connected to the art world, including performance art, in NY…watching a project continually be delayed because of one thing or another that gets in the way of it being right. We are so goal-oriented we forget all the great stories of how long some things actually take, which can be a very long, long time. Artistic and creative trust need to be nurtured. Like a souffle.
June 4, 2013 at 1:30 am
So true Kena Herod “What else may hap, to time I will commit.” It is going to go by no matter what, so what else are we to do but commit ourselves to it?
June 4, 2013 at 1:36 am
I love bringing the birth metaphor into this Giselle Minoli – it softens the edges around what women “should” do – stay true their art, support their families in every way, stay chipper in the balance of it all. Sometimes the focus will be art, other times business, other times mothering will eclipse it all. We practice compassion through it all (but still court inspiration every step of the way, gods willing!).
June 4, 2013 at 1:36 am
Exactly. And yet, I’ve lost sight of that–hurling fists to the winds like King Lear or something like that.I think I will write it out again and repost to the newest bathroom mirror! 🙂
June 4, 2013 at 12:30 pm
An interesting little Op-Ed piece in the Times about the perils of writing personal essays – less because this one was personal and more because of a particular choice of words the author used. Not entirely what we are discussing here, but interesting nonetheless. The author survived the hoopla, BTW:
http://6thfloor.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/05/31/how-to-write-a-personal-essay-that-you-know-will-be-torn-apart-in-the-comments-section/?ref=magazine
June 4, 2013 at 1:53 pm
Anger Catherine Wells? Particularly online? It is so bloody easy to attack someone you are not looking in the eye. And the comments sit there, gathering steam, festering, boiling over, each one feeding another unless there is some perspective from some individual commenter who comes in, very much in line with the topic of this post, and steps back and says, Hey, wait a minute here. There is too much of it and it’s ludicrous. But…no matter how scary, I don’t think writers can internalize that fear and not write. We all make mistakes. It’s impossible to put thousands of words on the page constantly and not upset someone. The problem is that the format now gives voice to all these critics. It’s a rough world out there. Oil up your chain mail. Polish up your shield…and sharpen your sword!
December 4, 2013 at 12:59 pm
Good morning Bobbie Today. Not surprised you might not have gotten notified…sadly, my participation on G+ has dropped off due to a difficult schedule. and, since all of the changes in notification, I think the infrequency of my posting has affected that. However…six months late or not, thank you for taking the time to read this and comment. But now you’ve got me curious…that for (your) eyes only comment! It’s nice to discover you are a nonfiction compatriot!
December 4, 2013 at 1:56 pm
I think that’s fabulous Bobbie Today Do it do it do it do it. Write it write it write it write it. ‘Tis one of the main reasons, aside from a tough work schedule, that I am posting less. I’ve been writing for decades and have chosen, against the advice of everyone on G+ (!) to post less so I can write more personally. Good words don’t come easily and in order for things to properly brew within oneself you have to give yourself time, lots of time. It’s tough, because I love the conversations here and the people I have met, but it is impossible to do everything. Sigh. My very best to you in this project. And brava for the humor. There’s always an audience for that!
December 4, 2013 at 2:36 pm
Bobbie Today 😉 All roads lead to writing. I’m convinced of it. And somehow someway the divine Bill Abrams is usually involved. Thank you…and Hello Bill!
December 4, 2013 at 5:48 pm
Hi there Giselle Minoli and Bobbie Today. Divine? De vine is for de drinking. Cheers to you both.