Greetings Googlers,
How well can we really know one another within the format of an online community? Can we ever, really know one another? Or do we simply cobble together a notion of what someone is like after reading their posts and comments over a period of time? Can the experience here ever approach the way it might be in real life? Do we ever come to feel…’Ahhhh, I know this person now’? I think that in order for there to be a sense of knowingness about someone they have to reveal more personal things sooner or later.
The Slow Demise of a Flying Friend is something I posted about briefly when it first happened several months ago, but when things have a big emotional impact on me I tend to want to memorialize them in an essay for my own website. It took me a long time to write it because it was not only so upsetting to me, but because it reveals a side of my personality only those closest to me, like my husband Brian Altman, get to see. For what it’s worth, within the Great Conversation About Public vs. Private, I share it with you today.
Because even though it’s freezing outside, it’s sunny.
And I’m thinking about Spring.
And everything else…because it’s Saturday.
Thanks for reading, as always,
GM
January 26, 2013 at 4:28 pm
It pleases me to already know the context of this post. In that way, I feel like I do know you at least a little bit. 🙂
Now, off to read the
blogessay.January 26, 2013 at 4:29 pm
You always make me smile Brian Titus. Because you are paying attention…a rare quality these days. Thank you.
January 26, 2013 at 5:21 pm
And now, a +1 for the (5-star) essay. Thank you for sharing it Giselle Minoli.
January 26, 2013 at 5:22 pm
That was a nice blog post and introduction Giselle. I think we tend to miss out on a great number of great people online, or, the ones we really should have in our lives. When I started my new job, there was one person who made an instant impression on me, not only because of his sense of humor, but after three weeks, it’s clear that everyone at the place loves him. Last night he bought me my first pint after work in celebration of my first check. I hope he and I can become friends. Had I seen one of his posts on G+ or LinkedIn I would have perhaps not “got” everything that there was to offer, and that’s where social media is flawed.
But, after reading a few of your posts Giselle, I soon realized that it was nice to be connected to you in some way, and that your eloquence and passion for life were magnetic.
January 26, 2013 at 5:23 pm
Your story was wonderful, Giselle Minoli even though it was painful. Like Brian Titus , I feel that it helps me no you in some small way.
That brings me to your initial question about whether we can come to know each other through social media. I believe the answer is yes, depending on how we use it. I worked from a home office for many years. In that time, I developed a number of very close friendships with people I had either meet only once or twice or never at all– and we remain friends to this day. Our only contact was through the internet and occasionally phone calls. Google+ offers even richer opportunities because we can talk with each other face to face via Hangouts. Is it a replacement for truly being face to face? No, but it is amazing how well we can come to know each other if we choose and amazing what rich relationships can blossom.
January 26, 2013 at 6:57 pm
I think we know some people “from the internet” much better than we know acquaintances in “real life”, but in the end, the rule is that we never really know another person, with, if we are lucky, very few miraculous exceptions.
January 26, 2013 at 7:20 pm
I just wanted to say that your stories (I also read the G+ one) moved me greatly, and they were precious. Thanks.
January 26, 2013 at 8:34 pm
I’ve been thinking these same questions for some time.
I think in online communities we can know each other in a way we can know an author by reading his works or like we know some public figure. You choose what you reveal and the rest is concealed, left for imagination or interpretation.
I form an image of you from the crumbs of information you give me. When time goes by the image can become more accurate or go all wrong. Depending on how well I can interpret your writings. When facial expressions and body language is left out the unconscious communication is missing and the chances of misunderstandings are greater than in face to face communication.
January 26, 2013 at 10:00 pm
Gary Stockton First of all, congratulations on your job, the paycheck and the “first pint” with your new found friend, all of them important. I, too, hope you and he will become friends. I tend to think the people we respond to and the people who respond to us – this mutual attraction thing – is at once visceral, but also because as Marianne Tamminen points out, we leave crumbs along the way. We are all Johnny Appleseeds when we want to be, and sometimes we drop those seeds into fertile soil, where there is enough rain to germinate them, and where they are protected from a wind that will blow them away, or from a sun too hot to allow them to breathe. There are many, many elements that go into creating friendships. It’s easy to forget that it is a complex process. But nothing can happen if we don’t say Yes to an invitation of some sort – to read something someone has written, to say Yes to clicking a pint at the local pub. Here’s to you, your job, a paycheck…and getting to know people online, however long that might take!
January 26, 2013 at 10:08 pm
Lena Levin I’m with you on this one. While there might be in person immediacy in real life sometimes it can lead to taking someone for granted, or assuming we know them or not having to put in much effort because they are, well, there. This “being known” and “knowing” thing are often different. Just because I think I know someone doesn’t automatically mean they feel “known.” It’s so very personal. I tend to agree that the real deal is not so frequent. Length of time doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with it. There are a couple of people in my life who are relatively “new” as far as time goes…but there’s much more there because the curiosity is greater, as is the level of give and take.
Daniela Huguet Taylor Thank you very much. That means a lot coming from you. Thanks for taking the time to read a bit further.
John Skeats like you I’ve spent quite a bit of time working from home these past few years because my company has allowed me to do that (writers can work from anywhere, can’t they?). And I commented on another Plusser’s post this morning that G+ has taught me a lot about the potential power of these relationships. But I do think in this case (maybe this is just me) that it is the audience that is attracted to this particular platform and virtual space. There’s a high degree of intelligence, articulation and curiosity. Without those things…does friendship have a chance anywhere? Still haven’t gotten into the Hangout thing. Big time factor in that for me. Not sure that is going to change any time soon!
January 26, 2013 at 10:15 pm
Giselle Minoli A high degree of intelligence, articulation, and curiosity can certainly facilitate developing online friendships but I doubt they are prerequisites. On the other hand, it might be argued that they are prerequisites for developing friendships in any context for people who have those attributes.
January 26, 2013 at 10:17 pm
As a way of paying you back for this lovely story, and to cheer you up a bit too, let me tell you that, partly due to your encouragement, part to other g+ friends (but you have the lion share), I finally wrote something. 🙂 Among the Spanish plussers, we built a project to make a book out of the short stories that we all put in, and I was only going to edit it, but ended up writing one of the stories. It’s in Spanish, otherwise I would point you at it. But I wanted to thank you for that push, now I’m thinking of making it into a book of its own, if it works, although writing is not an easy task for me.
(Fully agree about the special ambience, or audience, in this platform, quite noticeable and very agreable)
January 26, 2013 at 10:23 pm
John Skeats you may be right that they aren’t prerequisites all the time…it just seems it works out that way for me for some reason.
* Daniela Huguet Taylor! * Brava to you my dear! Damn! Why can’t you translate it for me???? Or why can’t you post it here, in Spanish, and I will do the best I can with the help of Google Translater, which I know won’t be as beautiful as your prose, but hopefully my Italian and whatever knowledge of Spanish I have will help me???? I would love to read anything you write. If you do an eBook version of it you can have it translated into English and then I can read it. I champion this, I’m delighted, thrilled and can’t wait to read it! Are you not even going to tell me what the subject matter is? You naughty woman, you…
January 26, 2013 at 10:35 pm
Matthew Graybosch your comment about Catherine Graybosch is, to me, the secret of a successful romance and marriage – you don’t assume you know everything about her because, yes, we are always changing. A good relationship or friendship allows and encourages us to change and in fact champions it. Whenever we stop growing or changing as individuals, there is no more relationship to speak of. It’s all about relating…and ‘To Relate’ is a verb. It’s not inactive.
For what it’s worth Matthew Graybosch there has been huge change in the way you communicate with people. You were always among the most direct in your writing style here…and it all just keeps getting more and more and more refined. I love the Public stream. What can I say…
January 26, 2013 at 10:57 pm
Hehehehehee… here I am, just chortling on the sofa as I read you… thank you dearest for your enthusiasm. It’s over three thousand words, so rather a large task to translate. I shall go look for the post and call you to it, and you can have a peek, I maintained quite simple language (I don’t like to be overly flowery, which by the way is a Spanish literary peculiarity), so I hope it doesn’t translate too badly.
January 27, 2013 at 2:51 am
Daniela Huguet Taylor I chortle a big Hehehehee right back at you…I’m sure the translation will be fine…as it’s the spirit, thought and idea that will come through. Of that I am certain. Because it’s you!
January 27, 2013 at 4:00 am
That is a lovely and thoughtful essay and photo. And yes, you’re right, you can’t get to know someone without personal information. Tough act to balance to give out or not give out. And there’s some things that should not be shared readily, easily or in print for the world, so there’s that too. Still, it’s an interesting place, and I know there are plenty of people that I wish I lived closer to so that we could indeed spend time together.
January 27, 2013 at 2:33 pm
Finally got round to reading the entire post with my lazy morning coffee, in the middle of monthly backups that should have been done in December. Don’t ask!
Reading it, I felt like I was in the room with you, Giselle Minoli and Brian Altman, during the drama-rama of the Mantis. It made me sad in empathy and smile by how much you strived to save the accident that befell the Mantis. But there is one thing I know, Giselle Minoli doesn’t just like Mantises, she loves them! Also, has various recepticles for spraying plants, is somewhat green-fingered, or is that green-thumbed … (o~o).
You pose a really interesting question about really knowing someone online. All we can know about someone online, is what they chose to share. Unlike real life that has other involuntary inputs like emotional temper, body language (shaking your head whilst uttering affirmative noises), etc. Online interactions rely entirely on an (un)audited image and written account. Sometimes, the real shines through but it is a game of escapism for most people.
I treat it as another means of communication and is as important as if we are in the same physical space but just separated by a time lag.
Here’s to the Mantises of 2013
<----- takes a swig of coffee and imaginary one of Pistachio Bourbon(I think that's your drink of preference).
January 27, 2013 at 2:59 pm
Morning Bill Collins and dawn ahukanna I so appreciate you (all of you) taking the time to read something on my writing pages (blog… Brian Titus), because that is like hopping on the subway and going across town to do something in another ‘hood.
For what it’s worth, my Kentucky Mantises are metaphorical expressions of things I think about here in Tornado Alley. In New York the metaphor centered around ambient noise and how to live in close proximity with others but still have a sense of privacy.
In Virginia the metaphor centered around the birdbath outside my kitchen window, which was, essentially, like a runway at JFK. I like to make things from scratch, which is the reason I cook, design, write…I like starting from nothing and seeing what happens as a result of the thing I create. To build a home, plant a garden and watch it grow, then watch the slow colonization of it by critters of all sorts – caterpillars, birds, frogs, snakes, badgers, rabbits, voles – it requires some sort of civilized dialogue with them about who can stay, who cannot, which of them you will feed and therefore invite to stay for the long term (Mantises), and which of them you will encourage to leave because there won’t be anything to harvest from the garden if you don’t!
So, yeah, if you poison the annoying little things, the more glorious and visible things get hurt, too.
One thing about a garden, cooking a really delicious dinner, and online or off line relationships – it takes time. Anything really good takes time. At least for me it does.
dawn ahukanna we went to the restaurant that gave me a taste of that yummy Pistachio liquor and there was none to be had. Sadly, I can’t have whatever I want whenever I want it! Now why is that? 😉
January 27, 2013 at 3:02 pm
if you poison the annoying little things, the more glorious and visible things get hurt, too
Well put. Mantisae and stick bugs are extremely rare about here. They are still living creatures.
Time and compassion. Things we should all have in more abundance!
January 27, 2013 at 4:29 pm
You prove my point in just this comment Matthew Graybosch. I know your writing love is in fiction, but you are articulate and thoughtful about so many different subjects and have so much to say that we would miss out on all that without G+ to give you a platform to opinion, think out loud and, Yes, occasionally rant!
January 27, 2013 at 4:40 pm
Giselle Minoli, you’d get sick of it if you had it whenever you wanted. Drinking it wouldn’t be special, there would be no anticipation, association with special and memorable events. That’s my story and sticking with it.
January 27, 2013 at 6:25 pm
hiii
January 27, 2013 at 7:46 pm
I’ll never look at a praying mantis the same. If I were one to worship, these creatures would have become gods through your essay.
January 27, 2013 at 9:21 pm
Well…maybe they are Bill Blonigan. In the movie Pan’s Labyrinth…I was absolutely convinced the flying sprite was a Mantis. I think of them as sprites anyway…
January 27, 2013 at 9:28 pm
Pan’s Labyrinth is a favorite movie of mine. I’ll have to watch it again with my new appreciation of mantises. By the way, here’s an enlightening commentary from the American Heritage Dictionary:
word history:
although the female mantis has the habit of eating the male after mating, its name suggests a more benign activity. mantis is from the greek word mantis, meaning “prophet, seer.” the greeks, who made the connection between the upraised front legs of a mantis waiting for its prey and the hands of a prophet in prayer, used the name mantis to mean “the praying mantis.” this word and sense were picked up in modern latin and from there came into english, being first recorded in 1658. once we know the origin of the term mantis, we realize that the species names praying mantis and mantis religiosa are a bit redundant.
January 27, 2013 at 9:31 pm
The summer before last Bill Blonigan they were redoing the railings on our terrace and I had to pull all of my plants back against the inner window wall. I went out side and told one of the workers to be careful of a particular Oleander (itself a poisonous plant) because there was a Mantis hanging out (literally…upside down) inside of it and I didn’t want to disturb her. She was enormous. This man literally freaked out. He had heard the lore about them decapitating their mates after copulation and he back away almost over the rail-less terrace. I thought it was a riot. Oh the havoc “fairy” tales can wreck. Most particularly when it comes to certain people’s manhood. Thought you’d get a kick out of that.
January 27, 2013 at 9:53 pm
Ha! I’ve never heard of mantisphobia. There must be a horror film that incorporates this idea.
January 27, 2013 at 10:00 pm
Mothra!!!! It must have been made by the Japanese!
January 27, 2013 at 10:04 pm
It was. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothra_(film)
January 30, 2013 at 5:32 pm
hii frnds